here goes nothing

i keep hearing(?) arthit yelling "kongpob" in my head akdjfskljflfng #KristSing ♡ gotta go back to studying bye

this is giving me stressssfjakljfwijoagwoknab;oae

i'm...kind of scared. afraid of what they'll see afraid of what they'll find out afraid of what might be kept hidden inside. if you never take a look, you'll never know right? is it foolish of me to not want to know?

"i'm a tiny fish with a great amount of curiosity, wanting to explore every nook and cranny of the vast sea. 'just keep swimming. just keep swimming.' as i flex my tail back and forth, moving without planning, i've realized that i've swum back to the very beginning. 'don't give up. don't give up.' the adventure ahead was enormous and unpredictable, but the fear of the unknown was unavoidable. 'it's okay. it's okay. it'll be okay.' without direction i swam through the schools of fish, the forest of kelp, and the calm openness. i couldn't keep up with the busy currents,  and was left behind in my own foolishness.  'try harder. try harder. try harder.' in this vast ocean, i found that there was no place for me. in this vast ocean, i found that there was no one with me.  'not everything is fine. not everything will be okay.'"

Can I run and hide? I'm stuck inside my memories. Step away from time. Take me to a place where I will never grow old. I'm tired everyday. I am thirsty for the rain, that waters all of my melodies. The needle in the skies, never fails to light my night. And it sews my heart on my tattered sleeve. Oh please, my heart is all for you. Just please,  take care of me I'm all for you. Well, Take take take me all for you. Take take take me home to you.

on the topic of being afraid: there are things that i can't say or write, afraid that they might come true if i do. i'm even afraid to think or say them in my head.