here goes nothing

This is the lastest I've stayed up for awhile lol.  Jessie facetimed me today~  Haven't heard her voice for so longgg lol It was fun ^^  I didn't have much to share tho cuz nothing happens in my life lol.  The connection was not the best so it kept lagging or her voice would echo lol I wish we could all video chat more~ ^^ But I don't talk much so hope it won't be boring :p lol

The things we do to ourselves... Like not taking care of our bodies.  Are we just slowly planning for suicide? 

Chem midterm tomorrow. Psych test and Bio midterm friday T^T I don't know why I can't bring myself to study. Until like the last last minute. I've been missing Adrian lately, lol not like that miss. Sometimes he sees me and I don't see him until like after a bit xD Gah...is my eyesight worsening??? He messaged me today saying he said hi to me, but I ignored him LOL. I really didn't see or hear him... Am I going deaf too....? Well I probably had my earphones in so I didn't hear him. And when I walk I don't look at people. I just walk like I'm by myself lol. Hope no one else thought I was ignoring them D: It kinda happened a few times before, but I reacted just in time so they know I saw them too. I got a present today~~ It makes me really happy receiving/sending mail idky LOL. Thanks mah bae  ♡  ;)  ㅋㅋㅋㅋ I will wear it well even if I can't make it work, but it's okay it will work somehow lol. It's so cute/cool/gangsta....

Do you just ever get this feeling when you have nothing to do (or rather don't want to do anything you should be doing) and you just start feeling...sad? I don't know if I can really call it sad, but there is no words to describe it right now. A bit of sadness, insecurity, emptiness, and whatever there is. Melancholy  /ˈmelənˌkälē / 1. a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause. Close enough. I'm not saying this is bad.  I sometimes enjoy this feeling, but it's not so appealing after it occurs too much. Too much of anything is not that great. I always have this constant need to distract myself with something. But sometimes, I don't want to have to be distracted anymore. I'm tired of the distractions as well. I'm tired of...everything. Tired of running away. Tired of not being able to run away. Tired of certainty. Tired of uncertainty. Tired of the past, present, and the possible future. Very contradicting, I kno...

We were taught to not dehumanize people, more or less. But when the power and authority over oneself is handed over to others, what happens? Once the power is conceded, does one cease to be a human being? Does one ultimately become an object that is susceptible to other's wills? A defenseless, vulnerable "object" is thus created. Is it moral to treat someone as an object even though permission was given? If it was, how far can you go? Where is the limit? If there even is a limit. It was as if the slightest bit of humanity was disappearing. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt, right? As expected, when things go too far is when people "rediscover" this humanity, this morality. Opinions divide. When authority of oneself is taken back, how do people react? As if the "fantasy" was broken, people faced reality again and they run away. To escape confrontation.  Perhaps, they would only think of it as an ac...

I want to get away.  Away from everything.  Far away.  

Im Jae Bum's For You ❤️

I love him so much ;~;  He's one of my biases that I don't talk about much. (ok there are actually a lot of biases I don't talk about openly xD) I don't know why, maybe I want to keep them a "secret" to myself lol jk Anywayssss Kim Jaejoong, you beautiful person, I love you. ❤️  JYJ too ❤️ ( sorry TVXQ, but I still love you Changmin lol )  If they didn't split, they would've been such a perfect group. (ofc they were already perfect before the split, but you know what I mean lol) "I got chuuuuuu under my skin"  I just like watched Jaejoong's mini concert. I need to sleep. Bye. 

I live my emotions through other people. It's not me, but I feel it.  It's not me, but it feels like it's somehow me.  It's like I'm borrowing them or pretending to be them to let my own feelings out.  That way I'm not crying because of myself. 

When distractions cease, your mind wanders. 

I feel like I have a lot of time, yet not enough time. I've been watching a lot of dramas, but don't worry I'm still keeping up with my studies. Sorta haha. I'm caught up in some classes, yet behind in others. Maybe I took on too much this quarter, There never seems to be time in between classes to do things. Well I also waste the time I have as well. I hardly eat more than 2 meals a day honestly. I know so bad haha... Anyways just took two midterms today and need to study for more already. It's like I have a test almost every week. Bleh. As I'm writing, I already forgot what I wanted to say. With this memory I really wonder how I even get through school lol. "Yes, I'm thinking about you all day, all night, all day." This has been my jam for a few days hehe Anyways so many music to discover and catch up on. 4Minute's Blind is nice ♥️ I have a lot to do, but I also do a lot of "other useless crap" as my chem professo...

"The secret of change  is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new. "