here goes nothing

it seems so easy to dismiss someone's problems because they're not yours. but why do i take in everything as if they were my own? why don't i ever tell you my problems? because my problems are never real problems to you. 이제 지친다 

I'm sitting here with red eyes and tears streaming down my face, but all you have to say to me is, "Why didn't you greet me?"

I don't want to say that I know how you felt, because you can never perfectly understand how a person feels. While I was reading your letter,  I started crying. It wasn't because it was sad. It wasn't because it was the last words you left, but it was because it felt like me. It felt like my own feelings. It was emotional because it was heartbreaking,  but it was more emotional because it was frightening.  The same words that I've thought to myself. The same words that I've written and erased countless of times. The similar feelings that are slowly consuming me.  I understand your decision. But, I wish it didn't have to end this way. You've worked hard, you really did. 하늘에서 평안이 쉬세요. 수고했어요. 정말 고생했어요. Thank you for giving me comfort through your music, When you were the one that needed it the most.

it's always interesting to me how whenever i come back home, it never feels like i've been away. but when i go back to my apartment, it feels like i haven't been there in ages.

There's this event called Tenth Thursday every quarter in the School of the Arts, where the final projects of students are shown. Someone came to class to talk about it so I decided to go check it out. I didn't go to all the events since it was late and I still had physics homework due at 12. I walked across the bridge with a couple of people from that class and they lived in Mesa, which is right behind the school so they went that way. There were people in front of the stairs talking so i went around to take the elevator. I went to the Light Sensitive exhibit where they showcased photographs and material research. It was inside the studio building of the grad students. The same place I was to intimidated to do last time when they had open studios. This time there were actually people there so I went in hehe. I like the paper they used to print the photos. They were really cool. I discreetly took some photos lol. Then I went to the Sculpture Studio building for the Repulse and ...

it's a bit of a stretch to hope that they'd perform together on stage again, but i'm happy knowing they're still good friends and still meet up ;;;;;;;;

at some point, we stopped having conversations. there's only the daily input of little things in our lives for others to see.

when will we stop being the 'object' and start placing ourselves as the 'subject'?

i forgot to write about this there was a funny episode, well it wasn't funny then but it is now lol i think it was the day before i had to come back to school andrew was outside playing basketball with our neighbor and left his phone on the back bumper of my car (he's so dumb smh and he didn't even have his case on) and forgot about it so i drove to get gas and when i got to costco he called me from another phone telling me to see if it's still there......... obviously it would've fell down a long time ago and i told him to look for it. my mom was there with me, but in her car since both needed gas and i was so afraid to tell her so i didn't yet. the worst part was it was raining and dark already. i guess they went to look for it and couldn't find it so when we got to SF market i told mom and she got really mad so we hurriedly checked out and i drove home with the stuff while she backtracked to find it. i got to the driveway and i tried to look ...

I had thought that I was the one being ignored — an action, or rather the lack of, done to me in which I had no choice over. Now that I think of it, maybe it was me who chose to be ignored and stay ignored.

if i told you would you listen? would you listen to this nonsense that i'm spouting? this nonsense that i don't even understand would anything really change after this conversation?

I died at "Ja~stine" lmao I want to visit and get the *famous* Snowman Hot Choco made by Justina ;D update: ooooh do i see a ship sailing ;)))

When will I be able to find the motivation I've lost?