Back Then...

I read the little messages you wrote to each of us.

I don't know if I've ever read it before, but I feel like I did.

Recently, well this year, you know things sorta changed right?

I don't know what to think because when you're with us, it feels like..you..but when you're with others, I feel like I don't know you anymore. Or maybe I never did.

Maybe you're just putting on your mask, like you said, or maybe things really have changed.

I don't know.

I cried reading it. This would make it the second time this year I cried because of you.

The first time I don't really know why I did, but I know this time.

It's because I miss the times we spent together. I miss having you around.

Yes, you're right. You guys do have a big influence in my life. I would never be who I am now if I have never met you guys.

You've never seen me really annoyed or mad not because I hide it really well or I'm really easygoing, but because there's no reason to be when I'm around you guys.

Doesn't mean I don't get mad or annoyed, of course. In fact I kinda do a lot at home haha.

Sometimes even I'm confused on who I really am because I act differently at home and around you guys. It's not intentional. I'm not faking either side of me, it's just that different people brings out different sides of me.

I never realized it before, but you may know me better than I know myself.

I never took enough time to get to know you better, and I'm sorry for that.

I'm just scared. If you don't tell me, would you still want me to know?

I just wait until people tell me stuff, because what if they don't want me to know?

But it may seem like I don't care. But I do. A lot.

This loser.

I know you are the same person I became friends with back then, just maybe stronger and more confident. Even if not on the outside right now, I'd like to believe you are on the inside.

I don't know what you might be going through right now. Maybe you're not going through anything and I'm just going to sound stupid saying all that, but just know I love you (and y'all) no matter what.

(I kinda love you guys a little too much, so much that I don't want any other best friends. Here comes my lonely college life...ha ha..ha...)