here goes nothing

it's funny isn't it? the things that i want to forget will never be forgotten and the things i want to remember will never resurface. i suppose it's because bad memories usually have a strong emotion attached to it. i don't know why you still don't know me. i guess 19 years really meant nothing at all. 

all i can do is sigh

If you risk death, you live. If you try to live, you die. 

I was gonna shower...but ofc like the lazy person I am I decided to sit for awhile while listening to some music first. I've been really into Daniel Caesar lately, and other people that make soft, sad music on soundcloud lol. This music makes me want to write, but not tha--"but I don't know what else to say" exactly my thoughts too Daniel. So much on my mind, so much I want to let out, but so little motivation to organize everything and actually write it out. Your dad is right, lazy people do get lazier sighs. Do you ever just go to bed earlyish and lie there awake thinking about things and before you know it its already like 3AM? "this is your life, this is your life, your life" "each person's life has been touched upon by a deity" "guess i'll go to heaven in our little rowboat, it's better there. the powers that be, they won't let us see what we really are, what's beyond the stars." 5 years from now, n...

sometimes i find myself struggling to keep breathing

ahhhh what's wrong with me??? is it the after effects of crying too much today because of dramas or what. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Anyways, I just remembered something and I wanted to write it down. My natal chart description said when I trust people I tend to want to know everything about them and that it may be my problem because I'm always too interested in other's lives (esp. love lives #sorrynotsorry) to the point where they might feel uncomfortable. I do admit that that is how I am lol. So if I ever tried to probe too deep into your lives, I'm sorry haha ^-^; Just putting it out there. But most of the time I'm controlling my urges to ask too much. I really have millions of things I want to ask and know about you guys, but I'm actually too afraid to ask most of the time because I always think, "Oh, they'd tell me if they wanted me to know so I'll just wa...

14 days into the new year and I'm...still the same. Well, with a few improvements I guess. I just can't afford to let my gpa go any lower. Sighs. It's the weekend and I already want to take a long long break. But then I remember all the things I have to do before Monday. Why does life move so fast? Or it's just me who feels like it's fast because my life doesn't change, therefore it feels the same all the time. Time flies, but I didn't even do anything to remember the year by. I can't even recall what happened in the past years. It's always the same. There's nothing special to distinguish them. I must have a lot of sadness built up inside me. Sometimes when thoughts are emptied out of my mind, tears well up in my eyes. Emptiness. I feel so empty. "...and most of all, you've committed the greatest sin of killing yourself." No one deserves the easy way out I guess. It's a line from Goblin. I want to applaud the direc...