here goes nothing

Today* I went to the gallery to see the installation. It was a dark little room with white walls. The title and the artist's names were painted on one of the walls. Right when you walk in you can hear the film playing in the back of the room, on a continuous loop. There were paintings on the wall, but very few. We walked to the back of the room towards the two projectors. It was a film installation shown on two screens side by side with a delay in the second one. There was just one little bench in the middle of the tiny space. It created a sense of closeness, familiarity, relatedness. I watched and I felt like I could watch this multiple times if I could. It wasn't some extraordinary piece of work, yet very un-ordinary at the same time. Knowing the background of H.M., I can't help but wonder how that must feels like. How does it feel like to not be able to store any new memories? Well of course I wouldn't even know because I won't remember. Ante...

The time when you start thinking you know a person,  is when you find out you don't really know much about the person. Humans are paradoxical. We hide and conceal what we feel, what we think, what we want, and what we need by saying what we feel, what we think, what we want, and what we need.

Same day, Same moon 24/7 every moment repeats My life is in between ... It's funny you think anything is possible when you're a kid When you feel how hard it is to get through a day I scream out of frustration but the empty air echoes I hope tomorrow will be different from today I’m just wishing Wherever you are right now, you’re just taking a break Don’t give up, you know Don’t get far away, tomorrow Don’t get too far away, tomorrow Tomorrow becomes today, today becomes yesterday, tomorrow becomes yesterday and is behind me Life isn’t about living along but living through As you live through, you’ll disappear some day I wanted to become happy and strong but why am I getting weaker? Where am I going? I’m going here and there but I always come back here Yeah, I’ll probably flow somewhere, is there an end to this maze? ... Every single day is a repetition of ctrl+c, ctrl+v I have a long way to go but why am I running in place? Because the dawn right be...

"Sometimes I think I'm the middle ground. Not too much of one side or the other. In other words, I'm just ordinary.  Just... Someone that doesn't dare to take any risks, yet dream of adventures. Someone that is not alone, yet enjoy solitude.  Someone that is not above and beyond, yet not unaccomplished.  I feel like I have trapped myself inside two facing walls.  Not going left nor right. Can only look up or down. Then two walls multiply, and I'm now trapped in my own little box. No room to move, no light to guide me.  I am lost.  Lost in my own emptiness."

Who are you? Who am I?  What are you? What am I? Who are we to judge others and put demeaning labels on them?  I can't say I was totally open-minded, but after today I learnt so much that I feel like I should throw away my remaining prejudices.  In the end, a  person is a person.  Hearing some of the experiences, I felt so disgusted of our society.  Are you any less of a person if you don't conform to social norms? Do they deserve to be treated like trash?  I'm actually really disappointed by the disparities in health care.  "After she found out, she literally tried to kill me."  May I ask what kind of physician attacks and tries to kill their patients?  I just felt my heart drop and also a burst of anger dwelling inside.  I can't believe the things that happened to her, yet I knew these things did happen. I agree that these issues should be talked about more. There is obvious progress since years ago, but it is only the start of th...

What have I been doing?  Not much.  Midterms coming up bleh.  Behind on readings again omg >.< I never change do I? Why do I always do bad on my first tests? Art is interesting, yet I still get unfocused/sleepy sometimes. Maybe cuz it's so late haha. Night classes are as bad as I thought. I like walking back. It's nice, cool, and pretty at night. Esp when the lights are lit.  Well I guess it could be watching the films in the dark warm room too lol.  Chem is okay. Lattice energy is a pain tho.  Bio is pretty interesting actually. Maybe cuz it's about evolution and ecosystems so it's not that hard to understand. Except the graphs tho. Which kind do I use? Idk man.  What else am I taking... Oh yes Psych. It's interesting too but I did so bad on the chapter test. My bad cuz I didn't study. Or finish reading. Why am I so lazy?  Why don't I care enough? I think it takes one bad grade to make me get myself together.  I don't like not having a...

It's just me, myself and I Solo ride until I die  Cause I, got me for life  I don't need a hand to hold  Even when the night is cold I got that fire in my soul ... I just need to be alone I just need to be at home  ... If time is money I need a loan  ... I don't need anything to keep me satisfied  Cause the music fills me good and it gets me every time ... Yeah, lonely nights I laid awake  Pray to lord, my soul to take  My heart's become too cold to break [G-Eazy x Bebe Rexha]